"A woman's eyes are the gateway to her soul." This is an expression that I've heard a lot, and I've always felt that it was slightly corny, but that it had some truth to it. Looking at someone in the eyes connects you to that person - not only does it mean that you are listening to them, paying attention to them and care about them, but it creates a bond, however short - while you are looking at that person and that person is looking at you. It is almost an invitation to know them more.
During my time here, I have had two students mention my eyes in reference to truth. One said that she could tell there was truth in my eyes, and that my eyes conveyed to her that I was genuine and believed the things that I said - that they were real. She connected this with saying that I was gentle and not forceful, and I think my eyes convinced her of the truth I was speaking and the love behind what I was saying. This was totally a gift from the L0rd to use me in this way.
Another friend who I shared with recently told me that when I told her about Chr1st, she had been able to see her "shadow" or her sin in my eyes. I think that the urgency and truth that was coming from the message I was speaking was somehow evident in my eyes. This concept is a very interesting and mysterious thing ... how can you see or "feel" truth in someone's eyes? Yet I think about how you can look at people's eyes when they are talking, and from seeing the expression in their eyes, you understand more about how they feel and what they are thinking - whether they are genuine or fake, whether they are happy or sad, whether they are angry or troubled, whether they believe and mean what they say or whether they are trying to convince themselves or to deceive others.
Sometimes I wonder what we would see if we could look G0d in the eye. Last semester, I went to a really powerful and encouraging women's conference. A lot of us there really felt G0d's presence and that we had met with Him. One of my friends thought that she had heard Him say to her, "You can look me in the eye." Because of what Chr1st did for us, we can approach the throne of grace with confidence. Chr1st IS truth, and through Him we can know God and "look Him in the eye" so to speak. If looking people in the eye is such a special and unique thing, then how great must it be to look G0d in the eye? I want to spend more of my life focusing on this - on seeing Him for who He is, learning about His character, focusing on His truth; instead of focusing on myself and all of the meaningless in comparison details that make up the daily grind.
I want to look deep in to G0d's eyes, and there I will really see the Truth.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
The Truth
The Truth.
Knowing it in your head and knowing it in your heart are two very different things. I had a day recently where the two struggled against each other. It was a day full of fun things and fun people. I had lunch with some friends, rode home on the back of my electric scooter while my friend drove, watched some Gilmore Girls, went to an ultimate frisbee game to watch/hang out with the moms and kids, ate at one of my favorite restaurants for dinner, and then drove out to a nearby town to watch the Carolina game with some of my friends. A pretty eventful and exciting day, but it was littered with sadness and feelings of insecurity. It was one of those "hard days" that shouldn't be hard.
Everything around me seemed "normal" and fun, but my heart was telling a different story. There were constant reminders around me that I'm by myself, that I don't have a special person in my life. I realize I don't need this, and that the fact that I don't have it right now means that G0d knows it's not best for me at this point in my life. I know that. Well, I know it in my head, but not always in my heart. Then there are the lies that creep into my head because of this disconnect between the actual Truth and what I believe in my heart - I start believing that somehow I'm not good enough, that there must be something wrong with me since no one has picked me yet. That G0d isn't enough to satisfy me, that my worth and my identity is defined by who I'm with instead of who I am in Chr1st.
These lies creep in and they are so easy to believe. And even sitting there saying them out-loud to my roommate and knowing they were lies, it was still hard to believe the Truth in my heart - the Truth that having or not having a relationship is not what defines me - that my worth comes from the price Chr1st paid on the cross, that my identity is in Him - I am His daughter, His lover, His friend, His joy. That He loves me just the way I am and that He has a perfect plan for my life. That the reason I am at this place of singleness in my life is because it is what's best for me, and that G0d has perfect timing. That He is enough to satisfy me, and that knowing Him is more wonderful than any other relationship I could ever have.
But this IS the Truth, and these are things that He has been helping me to understand and believe in my heart more over the past few years. I am so thankful that He is changing me in this way, and that He will continue this work He has started in me. And I know that on the other side, I will be so much more grateful for having learned these things and having learned how to love Him better - for after all, He IS love. And His love is unconditional and unchangeable and endures forever. What other love compares to that? What other love is worth trading the experience of that love for? No other love. In that case, I want to experience this love to the fullest, so that through it I discern and see the Truth.
Knowing it in your head and knowing it in your heart are two very different things. I had a day recently where the two struggled against each other. It was a day full of fun things and fun people. I had lunch with some friends, rode home on the back of my electric scooter while my friend drove, watched some Gilmore Girls, went to an ultimate frisbee game to watch/hang out with the moms and kids, ate at one of my favorite restaurants for dinner, and then drove out to a nearby town to watch the Carolina game with some of my friends. A pretty eventful and exciting day, but it was littered with sadness and feelings of insecurity. It was one of those "hard days" that shouldn't be hard.
Everything around me seemed "normal" and fun, but my heart was telling a different story. There were constant reminders around me that I'm by myself, that I don't have a special person in my life. I realize I don't need this, and that the fact that I don't have it right now means that G0d knows it's not best for me at this point in my life. I know that. Well, I know it in my head, but not always in my heart. Then there are the lies that creep into my head because of this disconnect between the actual Truth and what I believe in my heart - I start believing that somehow I'm not good enough, that there must be something wrong with me since no one has picked me yet. That G0d isn't enough to satisfy me, that my worth and my identity is defined by who I'm with instead of who I am in Chr1st.
These lies creep in and they are so easy to believe. And even sitting there saying them out-loud to my roommate and knowing they were lies, it was still hard to believe the Truth in my heart - the Truth that having or not having a relationship is not what defines me - that my worth comes from the price Chr1st paid on the cross, that my identity is in Him - I am His daughter, His lover, His friend, His joy. That He loves me just the way I am and that He has a perfect plan for my life. That the reason I am at this place of singleness in my life is because it is what's best for me, and that G0d has perfect timing. That He is enough to satisfy me, and that knowing Him is more wonderful than any other relationship I could ever have.
But this IS the Truth, and these are things that He has been helping me to understand and believe in my heart more over the past few years. I am so thankful that He is changing me in this way, and that He will continue this work He has started in me. And I know that on the other side, I will be so much more grateful for having learned these things and having learned how to love Him better - for after all, He IS love. And His love is unconditional and unchangeable and endures forever. What other love compares to that? What other love is worth trading the experience of that love for? No other love. In that case, I want to experience this love to the fullest, so that through it I discern and see the Truth.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
The Beginning
So, here I go. ... I've only had one blog before, and it was one I used for my elementary ed classes in college. Needless to say it was pretty boring and I had to write about selected topics and "reflect" out of my wazoo. But now I'm excited to get to choose what I write about and to get to share what's on my mind. I love to write, and often feel that I express myself better that way. I wish that I journaled more, and I thought this might be a fun way to help me reach that goal. So, this site is mostly for me to document events in my life, as well as to self-reflect and write down things that I'm thinking or learning or going through in my life. For anyone who would like to read and get a little taste of how I live and think, you are welcome to take part.
The title comes from the fact that I want to be a light to all those around me. A woman who prayed for me recently said that when she prayed, the image of a candle or a light came into her mind. She said I would be a light to those around me, and that is just what I want to be. I want to share the Truth, and if in some way sharing stories about my life or lessons that I am learning will help others consider the Truth or lead them closer to it, then that would be a great thing. I'm not in anyway claiming that my words or thoughts are always the truth, but rather that I am on a journey to learn more of it and to help others to do the same. Journey with me if you'd like :)
-Michelle
The title comes from the fact that I want to be a light to all those around me. A woman who prayed for me recently said that when she prayed, the image of a candle or a light came into her mind. She said I would be a light to those around me, and that is just what I want to be. I want to share the Truth, and if in some way sharing stories about my life or lessons that I am learning will help others consider the Truth or lead them closer to it, then that would be a great thing. I'm not in anyway claiming that my words or thoughts are always the truth, but rather that I am on a journey to learn more of it and to help others to do the same. Journey with me if you'd like :)
-Michelle
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