Last night I talked to some very wise people.
I can't tell you exactly what we talked about, but I can tell you that it was about something I thought I had heard from the L0rd. Last semester, I was praying about something, and I felt a peace about the outcome. I wasn't sure if it was a peace from G0d, or if it was just me trying to assure myself of something I really wanted to happen. But normally, I'm a very anxious person, and hardly ever does a "feeling of peace" come naturally from within me. There may be an anxious longing for something to happen, or a nervous yet doubtful excitement, but never a peace. That's why I think it was the L0rd.
But I didn't know what to do with this peace. Should I act on it or wait around to see if what He told me happens? How much should I read into it? What do I need to focus on in light of what I had heard? I had no idea how to handle this, and it was consuming my thoughts and driving me crazy. In short, I needed wisdom.
The advice, in summary, that I received was to not focus on the word I had received from G0d, but G0d Himself. How to do this? By focusing on the peace that He offered, not on the specific situation in which He offered the peace - to trust that He will provide peace and that He has a plan - everything is under His control. Essentially, by giving it back over to Him. He gave me this peace and a feeling of how this certain situation will turn out, but I need to, in turn, give this situation back to Him and say, "L0rd, I think I know what You were telling me, but either way - if this does in fact turn out how I think it will or if it doesn't - I lay it at Your feet and place it in Your hands, and I know that Your will will be done."
Doing this helps me trust in G0d and lean on Him, not on the promise or outcome of a situation.
A second piece of advice I was given was to go to Him often in prayer about this situation. Instead of feeling guilty that I am thinking about it so much or worrying about what to do or how it will turn out, I need to realize it's okay to be thinking about it, but if I take these thoughts and desires to G0d in prayer instead of keeping them to myself to the point where I become anxious and stressed, it will be more of an open communication with Him about these things instead of a stewing and fretting on my end. And it is in this type of communication with G0d that I learn how to be with Him, how to depend on Him, how to trust my life to Him, and how to respond in the future when He speaks to me about other specific things.
Finally, when asking if I should keep myself from other opportunities in order to wait for the outcome I thought I was promised (or hinted at), I was instructed, "No; You don't wait on circumstances or people, but only on G0d." (The sense of the word 'wait' here meaning a trusting and binding wait). G0d is my hope, and when I begin to trust in situations or circumstances or people, even if I think the L0rd is leading me to them, my focus is taken off of Chr1st, my one, true hope. In short: He's where it's at.
I also learned to hold things loosely - even if I feel that G0d is telling me something, unless it is very direct and clear, I need to be open to the possibility that I misinterpreted what He was saying - maybe instead of giving me a peace that this situation will turn out exactly a certain way, He was simply giving me a peace that He would handle it - and that it would be good. Etc, etc.
It is through struggling through understanding things like this that we come closer to the L0rd, that we learn how to more closely walk with Him and how to handle times when we hear His voice speaking to us. In these processes, faith grows and our hearts are more beautifully and tightly woven together with His. How beautiful is this journey that we get to walk, how wonderful is the final result we can hope in, and how blessed are we that we get to walk it and experience it together with those who love us. Thank you, Daniel and Kayla. :)
