The Truth

The Truth.

Knowing it in your head and knowing it in your heart are two very different things. I had a day recently where the two struggled against each other. It was a day full of fun things and fun people. I had lunch with some friends, rode home on the back of my electric scooter while my friend drove, watched some Gilmore Girls, went to an ultimate frisbee game to watch/hang out with the moms and kids, ate at one of my favorite restaurants for dinner, and then drove out to a nearby town to watch the Carolina game with some of my friends. A pretty eventful and exciting day, but it was littered with sadness and feelings of insecurity. It was one of those "hard days" that shouldn't be hard.

Everything around me seemed "normal" and fun, but my heart was telling a different story. There were constant reminders around me that I'm by myself, that I don't have a special person in my life. I realize I don't need this, and that the fact that I don't have it right now means that G0d knows it's not best for me at this point in my life. I know that. Well, I know it in my head, but not always in my heart. Then there are the lies that creep into my head because of this disconnect between the actual Truth and what I believe in my heart - I start believing that somehow I'm not good enough, that there must be something wrong with me since no one has picked me yet. That G0d isn't enough to satisfy me, that my worth and my identity is defined by who I'm with instead of who I am in Chr1st.

These lies creep in and they are so easy to believe. And even sitting there saying them out-loud to my roommate and knowing they were lies, it was still hard to believe the Truth in my heart - the Truth that having or not having a relationship is not what defines me - that my worth comes from the price Chr1st paid on the cross, that my identity is in Him - I am His daughter, His lover, His friend, His joy. That He loves me just the way I am and that He has a perfect plan for my life. That the reason I am at this place of singleness in my life is because it is what's best for me, and that G0d has perfect timing. That He is enough to satisfy me, and that knowing Him is more wonderful than any other relationship I could ever have.

But this IS the Truth, and these are things that He has been helping me to understand and believe in my heart more over the past few years. I am so thankful that He is changing me in this way, and that He will continue this work He has started in me. And I know that on the other side, I will be so much more grateful for having learned these things and having learned how to love Him better - for after all, He IS love. And His love is unconditional and unchangeable and endures forever. What other love compares to that? What other love is worth trading the experience of that love for? No other love. In that case, I want to experience this love to the fullest, so that through it I discern and see the Truth.